Living with being different

I was thinking a great deal of my experience in this life being different. Ever since I was a child, I always knew that I was very different. I have experienced that feeling of being an outsider. When I was admitted into deaf school, I thought that the feeling of being different is resolved when I am among my peers. I found myself to be wrong once again . . . I found the difference as soon as when I entered pre-teens. I found my friends doing things that I wasn't allowed to do like watching R-rated movies or wearing immodest clothes. It was when I realize what it means to be a Latter-day Saint.

I talked about that sense of normalcy with my husband . . . A word used frequently in psychology studies. When they try to make the sense with people who weren't getting along well in their life. I also have seen how our perception of reality becomes distorted when our brains aren't working too well. It was very unsteady field, the psychological studies . . . Just like Alice in the Wonderland. Things always look pretty crazy and logic becomes a bit skewered. We also noted that people with similar issues tend to feel more comfortable with others that share those with them. Like mothers enjoying time with other mothers or computer programmer appreciating a long conversation time with another computer programmers.

Today in Relief Society, we talked about the Living Water . . . The story of clean water project was mentioned. Church frequently goes to third world country to build wells for the villages. Before Church built wells . . . women frequently had to set aside a large part of day to walk nine miles to get clean water for her family. After the new well being established, she just has to walk a mile to get it. I thought it was very important to clarify and make a point. I talked about in many parts of the country, they weren't lacking in water but rather lacking in CLEAN WATER. They have a quite bit of water but much of it is infested with parasites and typhus. You will become sick if you drank them. I thought a great deal of the importance of having clean water and how it contributes to our well being. While dirty water makes us sick. What we put into ourselves really make what we are. Sick or healthy. Also, we discussed about how gospel, living water, made our lives very different from the others . . . Gospel really sets us aside!

While we are capable of identifying what is wrong with our physical body, we are not able to identify our spiritual needs outright. As we were born, we came down with veil clouding our spiritual eyes. We are unable to see the other side and we forgot everything as in whole sense. So we are left with what we could experience with our human senses. So it really leaves us with too little to grapple on. We then develop that sense of normalcy within our perception of what is real and what is not.

We want to feel like we belong to something. We crave for love. We once lived in the light of love that belongs to our Heavenly Father. We miss it dreadfully so we work so hard to belong to something. Within our current existence, we seek for what is normal and what is not then we work so hard to belong so we can get what we crave for which is love and acceptance.

I suppose that Heavenly Father knew that so well and gave us that difficult challenge . . He said, "Be my peculiar people". He is asking us to be different. He is asking us to become HIS people and be similar to Him.

As I was growing up, I had to make many difficult choices that would set me apart from the others and give myself a lonelier life. It is even lonelier because I am deaf . . . Not too many of those are both deaf and Latter-day Saint. It did give me a will and strength to make better choice when I became an adult.

Hectic moments with a dash of wicked humor

There's a couple of funny stories . . .

Timothy saw Clinton's grandma and boy did he stared!

Clint's grandma asked him gravely, "Do I look very old?" figuring that seeing old person as her is a rare occurrence for Timothy.

Timothy answered, "Yes, you look old."

After some talking, Timothy asked her, "Did you already die before?"

Well, last week is all done! Bridal shower, Father's Day, Sealing, and Christina's first endownment. Two Sundays ago, I could not sleep because of feeling of being stressed out already was sinking in. I am very relieved now with how they all are over with. They are a lot of work plus with managing children at same time. I always was feeling pretty exhausted and just fell onto the bed and slept like dead.

With a good cause for celebration, I posted on facebook wickedly . . . "We added a new family member last Friday" and added as if afterthought "But it is not something that drools and wears diapers. I got a new brother in law." I got some funny comments afterwards.

Yesterday, we had a father's day celebration with my step father over Susan's house. Susan is a such kind hearted sister who is willing to put up with us and the rowdy combination of cousins.

We had BBQ food and happy time together. Today, dad is on his way home . . .

Christina and her Dan are in Northwestern doing their honeymoon. Clint and I missed our wedding anniversary yesterday. But we fully intend to celebrate it sometime this week.

Forever Family

While I was looking into Foster program for option of adoption, I was amazed to see that the phrase, "Forever family", often came up in every background of every child that is waiting for adoption. I truly can feel that yearning every child has for a permanent family and permanent stability. It is truly amazing thing and a miracle when they have found their "forever family".

Christina is getting married in two weeks. It has been a quite spiritual journey she made until this wedding that she will have in Bountiful Temple. I think we all have our own journey till we got there and by the time when we are in sealing room, . . . being sealed to our husband for all eternity. I honestly felt so overjoyed when I have that man kneeling across from me, eager to stay with me for forever and working with me to have a family that have that bond with us forever.

On the day when my sister gets sealed forever, it will be eleven months from the death of mother. I still remember my sister tearing up and saying that her mother won't be physically present for her wedding and baby. It made me very sad. I know it is very important to our mother. She IS happy for each of her daughter! I knew that my mom would dote on Christina, her baby . . . and be with Christina, planning everything down to details. Well, I know with absoluteness that our parents will be present at the sealing. Temple draws family together, veil that separates us become meaningless. I really take a great deal of comfort in that sense.

Forever family . . . is our ultimate goal. It is enough for mother put in as her last words to me- which was very important to my mother. I was thinking on how when we are given the chance to tell our children some last words before we depart into next life . . . What would we say? What type of things that are we especially want our children to remember? What is our biggest desire? I know one . . . It is being able to meet again in the end. To achieve that, we need to remember always the commandments of God and working towards the ultimate goal which is making our families bond to out last everything. I suppose that mom had that sense that she was having this last conversation with me, so she want to give me that feeling that she is very anxious to have that togetherness after our period of trial.