Happy Mother's Day

Normally when I am putting up a post, I usually know what I am going to say and make a point out of. But today, I am feeling a little lost.

I must confess that I did take a time in trying to decide what I am getting Clint's mother and my mother for their special day. I really have had hard time trying to decide for my mother's. One-she is not around to appreciate books that I normally send and father doesn't appreciate books like my mother does. Finally, I settled on flowers for her grave. Flowers are more expensive when you do mail order. Ugh. I did it anyways. It really is a self conflicted thing. The dead doesn't care much about materials and appreciate thoughts/remembrance more. I think it was more of missing her a great deal because I used to be so excited in choosing a book for mother to enjoy every year.

I think the best gift I can give to her is to memorialize her which I did after her death. I will just drop a few that I know about her . . .

My mother was born on June 15 . . . Year of 1955. She was 5 lbs, few oz and very small baby. I am not certain why she was born so small. Grandpa said it is thought that her mother had rubella while my mother was in-womb. Her parents did not find out how my mother was deaf until when she ran off and her mother called for her. I think she was approximately two years old.

Mother was a beautiful little blonde girl. My mother often wore short hair as she was growing up. Even though, she is pretty, she told me her wish while she was growing up was having longer hair. Meanwhile, while her parents still were together- grandma would be making her lots of nice handmade dresses. My mother would remicise how she loved going over her own grandma's house. Grandma would teach her to crotchet. And while grandma is busy with gardening or in kitchen, mother would wander around in the house, seeing all of those interesting fun things like indian corns hanging on line in garage, rows of beautiful green vegetables, and watching grandma working. I think my mother honestly felt that grandma is the one she relates the best with and with this grandma my mother genuinely felt loved.

My mother had difficult childhood so her times with grandma is one of the most treasured moments in her life. My mother had oral education ever since she entered school. My mother is very smart, self sufficient, and hard worker. All the same, she came in last with many things. She struggled to understand teachers, peers and others. I think my mother spent most of her life trying to act that she understands and avoiding situations that may poise her awkwardly. I recall some stories told to me how she sat back in the classroom because she hoped that teachers won't put her on spot and ask some questions. My mother was so scared to death of that!

When my mother got out of high school, she took a semester or two at college to learn data entry skill. She married my father at age of nineteen and had me at age of twenty. She told me how she managed to persuade my dad into having children just because she wanted so badly to have that joy of having a family of her own. At age of twenty-two, she had Susan and at age of thirty, she had Christina. At age of thirty-four, she lost her husband to cancer. For five years, she was a widow, student, full time income earner, and mother. I know it was difficult for her. She fell short very often. But she came around to help us sometimes when we need it. She has hard time expressing her emotions back then but she told me often later on- how much she loved us. How much she felt proud of us.

At age of thirty-nine, she married my step father. They were deliriously happy! My step-father is around her age and have a lot of active interests like my mother. In beginning of their marriage, they went hiking a lot. My step-father always was encouraging my mother to do fun things like sewing - purchased my mother lots of nice stuff so that she can enjoy it.

At age of fifty, my mother began having health problems. She got a lot of strange diseases that we never ever heard of. They are so much unrelated with family history, genetics, and all. Susan and I felt very frightened about it ever since the death of our mother.

Our step-father . . he is so lonely! We felt so sad! We saw this loneliness our mother had to endure and it broke our hearts knowing that our step father is going through the same thing.

Mother, it almost is a year ever since we lost you. I don't think we are able to stop counting the time we have to be separated. We love you and Happy Mother's Day.